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| Britney's Photoshoot for Her New Video |
Silly named and suspiciously over fabulous voice judging WILL.I.AM has given a song to Britney Speares which was originally meant for X-Factor judge Tulisa. Britney's stylist obviously has taken it too far and has chavved Britney up no end. Now she sports a tracksuit and a 'Croydon facelift'. If you're unsure was that is, imagine a girl with hair scraped so far and so tightly back she looks like a balding man in his late fifties. Rumour has it the video for the track will see her smoking a cigarette and pushing a Burbury-lined pram, then the stereotype will be complete.
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| PD Peach Has better Writing Skills than Most Children |
The prosecution service look like a bunch of idiots today, after they insisted on getting a witness statement from a police dog called Peach. After his handlers got tired of trying to explain that he was a PD (Police Dog), and not a PC (Police Cop) they finally sent one from Peach. The official statement simple stated 'I chase him. I bite him. Bad man. He tasty. Good boy. Good boy Peach.' and was signed with Peach's paw print. Clearly PD Peach is clearly more intelligent than The Crown Prosecution Service officials chasing him for a statement. Incredibly cute, just like Lolcats, only more likely to rip your face off.
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| Much More Useful to Society |
The Only Way is Mandatory Sterilisation.
The Only Way is Essex star Maria Fowler has hit the newspapers such as The Sun (surprise, surprise) lately after she tweeted a self-taken picture of her wearing a skimpy top pulled up to show her abs, a red thong- and nothing else. It's strange seeing it. It's like looking at a picture of an alleged ghost on the show Most Haunted. You see the outline of a human shape, but you know that nothing is really there, but what is there is looks like the specre of someone dead inside. She has received enough attention, and so rather than posting the picture on my blog, here's a picture of a mop:
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| "HOW DO YOU LIKE IT YOU LITTLE BASTARD?" |
Unicorn Blood Cottage Pie.
So the horsemeat scandal has claimed it's first arrest after police investigating the scandal swooped on 3 men. One is Dafydd Raw-Rees, owner of Farmbox Meats near Aberystwyth. Raw-Rees started this business after his last company Horsebox Meats folded due to poor sales. It has recently been claimed that the UK government were warned about the possibility of horsemeat being in the food chain 2 YEARS before the scandal hit, and yet nothing was done about it. I guess they weren't too bothered by it, what with them having a daily diet consisting solely of cavier, creme brule, champagne, unicorn blood and orphans' tears. Still, it's not Emperor Cameron's fault, afterall it's not like he's had past experience being warned about something terrible and extremely embarrassing about to explode in his fucking face and not doing anything about it. Just ask Andy Coulson.
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| You're Paying for ALL the Drinks Now |
Apparently the government are considering introducing a 20% tax on fizzy drinks to help tackle obesity. What they haven't admitted is that there is already a 20% tax on soft drinks. After the attempt at taxing hot food at Greggs bakers, they now target fizzy drinks. Perhaps Darth Osborne should just introduce a 50% tax on anyone worth less that £10million and be done with it. Then they can label it The National Serf Tax. It will bring in many billions to the national purse, which can then be distributed fairly on a grading system among the top 1% of the country. Afterall, we're all in it together.
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