Your Spleen May be at Risk if You Do Not Keep up Repayments.

At Least Kerry is Getting Paid.

I don't know why people say that there is no money around and that they can't get any. I mean there's tonnes of it around. The TV is swamped with companies saying that you can have a loan. Amongst the most common adverts are pay day loan companies. If you've every been ill, twisted or hung over enough to watch daytime TV for any length of time, you'll notice that every 3rd advert is some company offering next day loans, same day loans, next 10 minutes loans, a week last Friday loans etc. The latest advert I saw was celebrated oxygen thief Kerry Katona saying how you can get a payday loan from Cashlady. What she doesn't tell you is that the interest on a Cashlady loan is 2,670%. "Only 2,670% ??? Well why didn't you say? It's an absolute fucking bargain! I might take out 3 loans with them because it's such value for money, just like I'm sure Kerry does".

Take a Loan & Get a Free Pair of Jordan's Old Implants. 

Clearly Cashlady think that they're onto a winner with one of the elite oxygen thieves in the nation (who himself has been declared bankrupt in the past) to flog their loans, so perhaps z-list 'celeb' endorsements is the way to go. You could get the melted Barbie doll Jordan advertising Wonga.com at an average interest rate of 2,342%, but only if you are not a heifer, in other words anyone bigger than a size 6 can fuck off and die in a gutter. Allegedly. If the company wants to introduce a touch of class before systematically raping your purse, then Payday Express could hire 'Lady' Victoria Hervey to flog some loans at an interest rate of 2,670.8%.


The problem is that these companies are for the most part, not even on the politicians' radars. For example, 23 out of 27 members of the cabinet are millionaires. I doubt Emperor Cameron had to go cap in hand to Wonga.com. Although I would give my left nut to see a reenactment of the famous Oliver scene, where Emperor Cameron, dressed as a street urchin holds out a bowl and says 'Please sir, can I have some more?' and the representative from Wonga yelling 'Whattt????'.

Nick Eases into His New Role in the Coalition.

Perhaps what it will take MP's to properly address this problem is for someone with big brass balls to take out a £1,000,000 loan from Payday Express in Emperor Cameron's name. Good luck paying that bill off fucker. Samantha Cameron is going to have to put on her red light and blow every sailor down the at the docks she can find. Then again rather than that happening, Darth Osborne will just force Nick Clegg at gun point to fuck any guy in on Grindr who has a spare £10 note. Afterall, isn't that what Nick is for in the first place?


So there you have it. The streets ARE paved with gold, only it's YOUR gold and it no longer belongs to you. It belongs to the companies which offer you maximum convenience with no deposit. Just be aware that your first born child and your limbs may be at risk if you do not keep up repayments.

Kieran x